For DAD Only:
Lame Blame
Guilty people like to make others feel guilty. Like giant yellow tractors, they dump their own dirt onto other’s backs, trying to clear the landscape of their souls. Dad, it doesn’t matter how many earth-movers we have in our homes, they will never be able to remove the grunginess of our own self-disappointment.
When I find myself playing the blame game, I must stop and ask why. Some heavy-duty guilt-loaders publicly berate their children for their flaws and insult their wives for past mistakes. However, the desire to unload our tonnage of problems on others indicates that we don’t have the strength of character to resolve our own issues.
“It’s not my fault.” That’s what modern make-sure-everyone-feels-good philosophy has taught us. Counselors encourage people to look outside of themselves to find the source of their failures. Secularism encourages us to blame parents, taxes, environment, teachers, and income for all our problems. So where does a godly dad stop the cycle? By saying, “It is my fault.”
The act of accepting blame refreshes the soul. If my child pitched a fit in public, I could escape quickly by saying, “She takes after her mother.” Instead, this kind of incident should prompt me to examine what I need to do differently in her training so that she doesn’t behave this way again. I am responsible for how my children turn out. Her poor behavior is my fault. It might indicate that I’ve been away from home too much. It may show I have been too tolerate or too demanding. And a quick “This is a generational curse” kind of excuse only helps me unload my guilt pangs for a moment without solving anything.
Landscaping the soul. Dad, to understand guilt we must also understand the forgiveness of God. Guilt exists where forgiveness doesn’t. Guilt languishes in the unchangeable past, pumping toxic waste into the future. Conviction of sin, followed by confession and Christ’s forgiveness, instantly dissolves tons of grief. Do you want to have happy, self-confident children? Work through your issues with the Lord Jesus each morning.
And maybe you should share this principle with your wife, too.
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Dad, read this story with your kids:
Game Blame
“I would have made it to the birthday party on time if Rusty would have helped me get my work done,” Misty said on their way home from the party.
Rusty started to answer, but his dad stopped him and said, “Misty, it sounds like you are trying to blame Rusty for your mistake.”
“No. But he could have helped.”
Dad looked at her in the rearview mirror for a moment and then glanced back at the road. “Be careful,” he said. “You just might get the blame bulge.”
“The what?” Rusty asked.
“What kind of bulge?” Misty demanded.
“You guys mean you have lived this long and haven’t heard about the blame bulge?”
“No, sir,” they said.
“Well, let me tell you about it. The story goes like this…”
Gripey was a green grape. Gripey liked to play at the playground with all his fruity friends. They would swing high up on the swings, race down the slides, and climb the jungle gym together. They would run in the field, playing tag, kickball, and Frisbee.
One day, Gripey was feeling a little sour. “Mom, I’m sick of sitting inside. I want to go play with my friends at the park.”
“Okay,” Mom Grape said. “But be careful about your attitude and don’t catch the blame bulge.”
“Yeah, whatever,” he said as he went out the door. When he got to the park, his friends were already playing a game and he had to wait until they finished. Gripey grape went and sat on a swing and tried to get himself going. He tried, but he couldn’t pump hard enough to move the swing very high.
When Gripey’s friends finished playing, they came over to the swings. “Hey, Gripey,” said Bouncy the Banana. “You having fun?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Pushy the Pear asked.
“Because no one is helping me! You guys are just having fun without me and I am not having any fun because you aren’t pushing me on the swing.”
“Uh-oh.” Lippy the Lemon said.
Gripey felt weird. “What?” He sensed his body stretching out of shape. “Oh no! I’m bulging.”
“You’re growin’, man!” Bouncy said.
“I’m almost as big as an apple!” Gripey exclaimed.
Lippy shrugged. “It’s going to take a while for that to wear off, man.”
“Will I ever be normal again?” Gripey asked.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to go play on the slides,” Pushy said. “Anyone want to race me?”
The fruity friends all scrambled for the slides. “Wait for me!” Gripey yelled. He wiggled and bounced along behind them, trying to move fast in spite of his big size. He tripped and rolled over, and the others laughed. When he made it to the slide he could barely squeeze his way up the ladder. He got stuck halfway up between the handrails. He struggled to get free and suddenly slipped, fell to the ground, and bounced a couple times.
His friends laughed.
Gripey scowled at them. “You are so mean to me. If some of you guys had helped me I wouldn’t have fallen down. It’s all your fault!”
“Uh-oh.” Lippy the Lemon said.
“What?” Gripey sensed his body stretching out of shape. “Oh no! I’m bulging again.”
“You’re bigger than me, man!” Bouncy the Banana said.
“I’m almost as big as a cucumber!” Gripey exclaimed.
“Whoa!” Pushy said. “You’re one big grape.”
Gripey hopped over to the swings. “Maybe I’m big enough that I won’t have to have anyone push me now,” he said. He tried to hop on but banged his head against the pole above the swings. “Ouch!”
His friends all laughed.
“Rrrrr!” he said, as he stood back from the swings. “You guys could help me you know. You’re so mean. I wouldn’t be this big if you guys had helped push me on the swing the first time.”
“Uh-oh,” said Bouncy the Banana, “here he goes again.”
“You did this too me!” Gripey said.
“He’s getting’ huge this time,” Bouncy said.
“Run for the hills!” shouted Pushy, “He’s as big as a monster.”
Gripey looked all around and everything looked far away. “Guys, I don’t feel too good.”
“You don’t look too good either,” Lippy said.
“Wow,” said Pushy, leaning way back, “you’re as big as a watermelon! I’ve never seen anyone with that big of a blame bulge.”
Lippy agreed. “It’s going to take a lot of work to get out of a bulge like that.”
“Hey, how about some kickball?” Bouncy said to his friends.
“All right!” they responded and ran out to the field.
Gripey tried to follow them but he couldn’t move. “Help,” he whimpered. His friends could not hear him. “I’ve really made a mess of things,” he moaned. “Mom warned me.”
Gripey lay down on his side and rolled over in the direction of the playing field. He rolled again. He rolled closer. He rolled right into the field where his friends were playing.
“Oh no! He’s going to smash us!” Bouncy yelled. “Run.”
“Wait!” Gripey yelled. “I need to tell you something.” His fruity friends stopped running and came back. “Guys, it’s my fault,” Gripey gasped. “It’s my fault that I got this big. I shouldn’t have blamed you at all.”
“Huh?” Lippy said. “Check it out,” Bouncy said. Gripey’s friends’ eyes gaped wide as they watched him shrink down a little. “He’s looking like his old self again,” Pushy muttered.
“And it was my fault that I hit my head on the swing set. I should have looked up before I jumped on. It’s was wrong to yell at you guys.”
“Whoa!” they all said together. Bouncy jumped up and down, “Look at him now!”
“And guys, I shouldn’t have blamed you when I fell off the ladder to the slide. That was my fault, too.”
“He’s as small as an apple again!” Lippy shouted.
“And I was being selfish to yell at you all about not pushing me on the swings,” Gripey continued. “It’s not your fault I wasn’t having any fun.”
“All right!” said Pushy. “We’ve got another player our size now.”
“Way to go, Gripey,” said Bouncy. “You look like a good little grape friend I used to have.”
“Thanks, Bouncy,” said Gripey. “I feel a lot better now, too.”
“All right guys,” yelled Pushy, “now let’s have us a game of kickball!”
When dad finished telling the story Misty sat quietly looking out the window. Finally she looked at Rusty and said, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have blamed you. It was my fault for not getting my work done in time for the birthday party.”
Rusty smiled. “That’s okay, Misty. Whew! I’m glad you said something though, you were starting to bulge and I thought we would all get squished inside this van!”
Misty scowled at him. “I was not, silly. That can’t really happen to a person. Can it, Dad?”
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Now, let’s dig out the meaning:
When we blame other people for things, we don’t bulge like the little grape did. But what can happen if we treat our friends the way Gripey did?
We crowd them out of our lives.
Do you feel happy when you blame other people for things? Why or why not?
Why do we want to blame other people when things go wrong?
So we don’t look bad. We shouldn’t do this.
In Matthew 7:3-5, why shouldn’t we blame other people?
If using KJV, explain what a “mote” is (a speck of dirt).
What kind of “specks” have you noticed in other people’s eyes?
Kids who smack when they chew their food, etc.
What kind of beams have you had sticking in your own?
Spilling ketchup on my shirt, etc.
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Read the following scripture with the family:
Lame Game
Genesis 3:1-13
Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”
And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.'”
Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”
So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”
And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”
Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.”
And the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
(New King James Version, © 1983, Thomas Nelson Publishers, used with permission.)
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Wow, what do you think it all means?
Have you ever heard someone say “The devil made me do it”? Do you think that’s true?
Why did Adam blame his wife for what he did?
Why did Eve blame the snake?
Role play: You are very thirsty and have just enough money to buy something to drink. You want a fountain drink from the gas station, but your friend suggests that you just buy a drink from the vending machine outside since it is quicker. You take his suggestion, but the machine eats your money leaving you with no more left over for buying something to drink. What do you say to him?
What if someone really is to blame? What if they were driving and got into an accident and you got hurt? What should you say?
Admit that you chose to ride with that person. They might be to blame for the accident, but you are responsible for the choice to ride along.
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Memory Verse: