For dad only, a devotional on sexual purity for kids:
Abstinence is the wrong message
In my teen years, the big thing was “True love waits.” Unfortunately, this could become a message of the Law, not grace. It could be just another rule young people will break. Rules and law cannot save us from sin; they just prompt us to be more creative in our sinning.
Training children to be sexually pure
The right way to teach a child about how to keep themselves from sexual sin is similar to how a person should housebreak a dog. Most people do both wrong. Think about dogs for minute. Mommy and daddy bring home little Bobo and think he’s so cuuuuute. They put him in the bathroom and put down newspaper all over their tile floor. The next morning they come in, the dog has done his business in front of the bathroom door, which just smeared the mess everywhere when they opened it. Oh well, they think, at least he went on the newspaper.
Later that day, Bobo feels the urge to relieve himself in the living room. Mommy sees him and yells, “No! No! No! Don’t go there!” And then she throws him in the bathroom, on the newspaper. After a few weeks of this reckless behavior and a little violence of slapping down and throwing the dog into the paper potty parlor, he begins to get the idea to only do his business on newsprint (after all, it fits right in with everything else in the news). They get him down to one sheet of newspaper, eventually move the potty paper outside, and then scream and kick whenever he messes inside. By about 12 months of age, he is finally accident free, although a little emotionally disturbed.
Imagine if your children were as sexually well-behaved as that dog Bobo. You would be parenting more grandkids than you would care to. There is a better way.
The right way to train sexual purity in children
Correctly teaching children to control their hormones is much like the proper way to potty train a dog. You keep your dog housebroken because he was born that way. Just as children are not sexually active when they are born, so also a dog is born with a desire to keep a clean nest. So, use the dog’s good sense to your own advantage.
First, pick a spot where you want the dog to go to the bathroom. It needs to be out behind the garage or somewhere you will not be walking or wanting to entertain guests. When you bring the dog home, take him to this spot and let him sniff around to get used to it. Then, put him in a small cage such as a pet carrier. Keep him in there for a couple hours and then take him back out to use the bathroom in the spot you selected. Stand around for a few minutes until he goes. Let him play around for a little while, get some food and water, then lock him back up in his “nest.” Leave him in this travel carrier or other close space for a couple weeks, only letting him play and enjoy your company when he goes to the bathroom in the desired spot.
Once the dog learns where to go, rather than where not to go, he will never use the bathroom in your house, your garage, or your driveway. Now, he is not housebroken, he is civilized. My dogs never go to the bathroom where I see it; they have learned to keep their business far from human traffic. Now, that is all good advice for dogs, but what does it have to do with your daughters keeping their virginity and your sons from paying child support?
Train your children for the right one
Rather than scaring kids away from sex, train them to know the right place and time. One mother lied to her daughters that if they slept with any guy they would get pregnant. This created a trust issue when their Sunday School teacher told them that no, you did not get pregnant every time. Once they knew Mom had lied to them, how could they trust her? Forceful, controlling methods to protect our children will only backfire.
Rather than harp on abstinence or say, “Boys, keep your pants up,” I have worked to prepare my children to look for the right person. There is one person you will share yourself with for life. Do not waste God’s special gift on the wrong person. A point in this devotional for kids about sexual purity is considering the end before you begin.
Dating is as good as doggie doo on newspaper
If we let our daughters get “boyfriends” at 8, 10, 13, and 15, we prepare them for fornication. They do not need to become romantically involved until they are mature enough to raise children. Young rams and young bulls get in the mood for breeding long before they are mature enough. A good farmer keeps them out of the herd until they have matured more so he does not lose profits on miscarriages and sickly newborns. Similarly, our young people need to know that Jesus is stronger than their hormones.
Training them by saying, “I saw you holding hands with that girl! Don’t you dare do that again,” or like one mother I know who eavesdropped on her teen daughter’s phone conversations and yelled, “You kissed that boy? You are too young for that, I am going to bust your hide!” Hmm, big surprise her daughter got pregnant before she graduated from high school and is living with another boyfriend now. That’s about as good as smacking a dog with a rolled up newspaper because he pottied on the carpet.
Like proper housebreaking of a dog, this is about training them the right thing to do at the right place and time. Not about threatening, yelling, and intimidating them to stop getting into trouble.
Help your young person find the right person
Finding the right person for each child is a team effort in our home. Even my four-year-old is keen on the fact that she is going to have a life partner and we are already having discussions about what she should look for, because she brought it up. My wife and I believed in courting/betrothal before it became popular. Dating is practice for divorce because two people only stay together until they fight or until someone better comes along; then they break up. Courtship begins when your mature young adult finds someone compatible, who shares a common purpose and values.
I am so grateful God allowed my wife and me to marry each other without either of us having been sexually involved with anyone else. You can raise children with the same testimony. Do not run from this important discussion.
Next time, a devotional on talking to children about sex. Through these next three stories, you will find what is probably the best way to explain sex to children.
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The following story for kids leads into a discussion on sexual purity that will pick up next time:
A Good Thing at the Wrong Time
“How soon will we be at Grandma and Grandpa’s?” Misty asked.
“See the little white house up the street?” Dad asked. He glanced back to see Misty nod in the backseat and said, “That is it!”
“Yipee!” she shouted.
“Not so loud in the car please,” Mom said.
“Why are you so excited?” Rusty said.
“Because I get to pet their horses. I really want to see Bucky. He had just been born last time we were here.”
“Rusty,” Mom said, “you are going to have to stay inside with that sunburn.”
“I know. I don’t want any more blisters anyway.”
They pulled into the driveway and parked. Grandpa came out to greet them as they all piled out. Misty ran up and hugged her grandfather. While Mom and Dad stood around talking with him, Rusty slipped inside, out of the sun. Grandma was in the kitchen hanging up a dish towel.
“Well, boy, how are you?” she asked.
“Pretty good.”
“You ready to go see the new colt? He is growing fast.”
“I’ll see him through the window. I can’t go outside until my sunburn heals up.”
“Oh my,” she said, looking at his ears and neck. “That does look miserable. Here,” she said, walking over to a big, spikey plant, “this is aloe vera.” She snapped off one of the fat, squishy spikes. She cut it open with a small knife and scraped the gel inside onto a little plate. “This will help your skin heal quickly.” Dabbing her fingers in it, she smeared the green slime on his ears, neck, and arms.
“It feels cold,” Rusty said; he relaxed a little when he found out that it did not hurt.
“It will dry up quickly,” Grandma said, “but you will be surprised at how quickly it heals now. I’m going to go out with them to the barn. There are books on the shelf in the sitting room if you like.”
“Okay, thanks,” Rusty said.
The screen door slammed behind Grandma as she headed out to join the others at the barn.
Rusty walked over to the bookshelf and looked at the books. Most of them were kiddie books he did not feel like reading again. “I want to play a game,” he muttered to himself. He walked over to the closet where the games were stored and slid back the bi-fold door. The game he wanted was up too high for him to reach. Rusty looked around in the bottom of the closet for something to stand on. Maybe a chair, or…
Rusty spotted something interesting. Underneath a blanket sat a box, all wrapped in wrapping paper. The paper said “Happy Birthday!” all over it. On top was a label that said his name. “My birthday present? That is early,” Rusty said. “My birthday is not for a couple weeks.”
He went to the window and looked outside. The others were still talking and walking toward the barn. “I wonder what they got me,” he muttered. Rusty knew they would be out there a while. He walked back over and looked at the box wrapped with shiny paper. He picked it up and tried to feel it. It felt like just a box. He shook it, but nothing seemed to make noise inside.
Rusty sat down with the box between his legs and pulled back the tape on one end. The tape let go easily without ripping the paper. He unfolded that end and peeked inside. His heart skipped a beat. He never thought he would see this inside—it was a remote control helicopter. “I have always wanted one of these,” he said, a little too loudly.
He stood up and looked out the window. They were all in the barn now. Kneeling back down, he slid the box out of the wrapping paper and looked at the picture on the front. “Wow,” he said. The box was easy to open. Inside, he found the white, police-looking helicopter. He pried it out of the protective foam and slid it out of its plastic bag. He turned a switch and the lights came on. Next, he pulled the controller out of the foam. He inserted the batteries and pushed the “up” lever.
The helicopter whirred to life. It lifted off the floor and headed toward the ceiling. Rusty pushed the other lever on the controller to turn the copter. It banked to the right and smacked into the wall. It fell to the floor and Rusty went over and set it up right again.
Trying to figure out how everything worked, he pushed the up lever more slowly this time. Rusty was grinning from ear to ear as the helicopter floated up again, flashing lights of many different colors. Once it got up to the right height, he banked it to the left, to fly around the room. It started toward the wall again. Pushing the lever to the right, he sent it back the other direction. Suddenly it was heading toward the ceiling fan. Crash! It hit the fan blades and lights, bouncing around between them for a couple seconds before it dropped to the floor.
Rusty sighed and picked it up. One of the wings was bent and another had a chunk missing out of it. He tried to straighten the bent wing and set it on the floor. Pushing the control made the blades speed up, but then it went crazy. Its wings started flapping against each other as it hopped off the ground and spun in circles. He could not steer it.
Rusty looked up and saw Grandma coming back from the barn. He grabbed the helicopter, stuck it back in its wrapper and put it in the foam it came in. He stuck the controller back in and closed the box. He slid the box back into the wrapping paper, which was not easy. He folded the end of the paper back down and taped it shut. He had just put the gift back under the blanket and closed the closet door when Grandma came in the house.
Rusty’s face was pale.
“Are you okay, boy?” Grandma asked.
Rusty shrugged, trying not to choke on the lump in his throat. He wished, wished, wished that he just had not opened the box.
“Is your sunburn feeling better?”
Rusty nodded.
Grandma glanced up at the ceiling fan. “Now how did that get tangled?” she muttered while unwrapping the pull chain from the light.
Rusty walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a picture book to look at.
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Now discuss this devotional for children about sexual purity!
Why do you think Rusty opened his present before it was time?
Would you peek on your present if you had been Rusty?
How do you think he felt after he broke the toy?
What do you think his birthday will be like? Do you think he will enjoy it?
Have you ever done something like this?
What are some things that are good for us, but we have to wait for the right time to enjoy them?
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Read a story from God’s Word about sexual purity:
Taking a Bathsheba
The following spring, at the time of the year when kings usually go to war, David sent out Joab with his officers and the Israelite army; they defeated the Ammonites and besieged the city of Rabbah. But David himself stayed in Jerusalem. One day, late in the afternoon, David got up from his nap and went to the palace roof. As he walked around up there, he saw a woman taking a bath in her house. She was very beautiful. So he sent a messenger to find out who she was, and learned that she was Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.
David sent messengers to get her; they brought her to him and he made love to her. (She had just finished her monthly ritual of purification.) Then she went back home. Afterward she discovered that she was pregnant and sent a message to David to tell him.
David then sent a message to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” So Joab sent him to David. When Uriah arrived, David asked him if Joab and the troops were well, and how the fighting was going. Then he said to Uriah, “Go on home and rest a while.” Uriah left, and David had a present sent to his home. But Uriah did not go home; instead he slept at the palace gate with the king’s guards.
When David heard that Uriah had not gone home, he asked him, “You have just returned after a long absence; why didn’t you go home?”
Uriah answered, “The men of Israel and Judah are away in battle, and the Covenant Box is with them; my commander Joab and his officers are camping out in the open. How could I go home, eat and drink, and sleep with my wife? By all that’s sacred, I swear that I could never do such a thing!”
So David said, “Then stay here the rest of the day, and tomorrow I’ll send you back.”
So Uriah stayed in Jerusalem that day and the next. David invited him to supper and got him drunk. But again that night Uriah did not go home; instead he slept on his blanket in the palace guardroom.
The next morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by Uriah. He wrote: “Put Uriah in the front line, where the fighting is heaviest, then retreat and let him be killed.”
So while Joab was besieging the city, he sent Uriah to a place where he knew the enemy was strong. The enemy troops came out of the city and fought Joab’s forces; some of David’s officers were killed, and so was Uriah.
Then Joab sent a report to David telling him about the battle, and he instructed the messenger, “After you have told the king all about the battle, he may get angry and ask you, ‘Why did you go so near the city to fight them? Didn’t you realize that they would shoot arrows from the walls? Don’t you remember how Abimelech son of Gideon was killed? It was at Thebez, where a woman threw a millstone down from the wall and killed him. Why, then, did you go so near the wall?’ If the king asks you this, tell him, ‘Your officer Uriah was also killed.'”
So the messenger went to David and told him what Joab had commanded him to say. He said, “Our enemies were stronger than we were and came out of the city to fight us in the open, but we drove them back to the city gate. Then they shot arrows at us from the wall, and some of Your Majesty’s officers were killed; your officer Uriah was also killed.”
David said to the messenger, “Encourage Joab and tell him not to be upset, since you never can tell who will die in battle. Tell him to launch a stronger attack on the city and capture it.”
When Bathsheba heard that her husband had been killed, she mourned for him. When the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to the palace; she became his wife and bore him a son. But the LORD was not pleased with what David had done.
The LORD sent the prophet Nathan to David. Nathan went to him and said, “There were two men who lived in the same town; one was rich and the other poor. The rich man had many cattle and sheep, while the poor man had only one lamb, which he had bought. He took care of it, and it grew up in his home with his children. He would feed it some of his own food, let it drink from his cup, and hold it in his lap. The lamb was like a daughter to him. One day a visitor arrived at the rich man’s home. The rich man didn’t want to kill one of his own animals to fix a meal for him; instead, he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared a meal for his guest.”
David became very angry at the rich man and said, “I swear by the living LORD that the man who did this ought to die! For having done such a cruel thing, he must pay back four times as much as he took.”
“You are that man,” Nathan said to David. “And this is what the LORD God of Israel says: ‘I made you king of Israel and rescued you from Saul. I gave you his kingdom and his wives; I made you king over Israel and Judah. If this had not been enough, I would have given you twice as much. Why, then, have you disobeyed my commands? Why did you do this evil thing? You had Uriah killed in battle; you let the Ammonites kill him, and then you took his wife! Now, in every generation some of your descendants will die a violent death because you have disobeyed me and have taken Uriah’s wife. I swear to you that I will cause someone from your own family to bring trouble on you. You will see it when I take your wives from you and give them to another man; and he will have intercourse with them in broad daylight. You sinned in secret, but I will make this happen in broad daylight for all Israel to see.’ ”
“I have sinned against the LORD,” David said. Nathan replied, “The LORD forgives you; you will not die. But because you have shown such contempt for the LORD in doing this, your child will die.”
(II Samuel 11:1-27; 12:1-14, GNB)
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Suggested discussion for finishing this devotional about sexual purity for children:
What was the first thing David did wrong?
Looked at a naked woman. Perhaps you could say he should have been doing his job instead of just sitting around, too.
What could Bathsheba have done differently?
Bathed where no one could have seen her.
Did they get away with their sin happily? What happened because they did the wrong thing?
Some warriors died. David’s sons would commit sins like his. Their child would die.
How is the story of David committing adultery with Bathsheba like the story of Rusty opening a present he should not have touched?
He looked at something that was not his to touch. His bad choice created a lot of guilt and trouble that the few moments of fun were not worth.
What are some temptations you have to avoid?
Role play: You are riding in the vehicle and pull up next to a car with video playing. Should you look over there to see what it is? What if it is a video of people without their clothes on? Will you look?
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Memorize it!
Proverbs 6:27-29
Can a man take fire in his bosom,
and his clothes not be burned?
Can one go upon hot coals,
and his feet not be burned?
So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife;
whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.