For DAD Only:
Consider the Kid’s Dignity
A bottle floating on the high seas. A stranded sailor. Pirate’s treasure on a remote island.
That’s what my brother and I had in mind when we found the vodka bottle (yes, preacher’s kids can be very resourceful). We washed it out and removed the label so it would look antique. Then we cut a piece of paper to fit it and wrote a spoof message as if we were marooned on an island. To add to the authenticity, we burned the edges of the parchment so it would look old and brittle. Carefully, we coiled up the paper, slid it in the bottle, and secured the lid.
Under the cloak of darkness, we trekked out behind the church, down the slope to the creek. Standing between some trees we could hear the water gurgling and sloshing below us. With a toss, the bottle arched out into the darkness, glinting in the moonlight as it descended. We listened for the splash. Instead, we heard “SMASH!” as it shattered on a creek stone.
That event reminds me of being a dad. Fathers know they have a message for their children. Yet often we feel like a sailor on a remote island when we try to communicate with them. Perhaps you’ve seen your attempts at instruction smash on the rocks of poor timing.
Watch this, I’ll show you what I mean. Dad comes sailing home from work, pulls the car into port, and collides with the beached bicycle that junior left in his way. Well, the kid’s bike is now mangled iron. Dad gets mad because he knows what the bike cost. Okay, instantly the message forms in his mind: DON’T LEAVE YOUR STUPID BIKE IN MY DRIVEWAY! But delivering that message right now would be like throwing the bottle at a rock.
Some messages don’t have to be spoken. The natural shock of losing his bike will teach junior a good enough lesson for now. Later, once the panic and sorrow subsides, you can sit him down and help him navigate a better plan of taking care of his stuff. Show him where the bike should go and explain that it must always go there when he’s done with it.
So much for poor timing, what about location? I’ve had people get upset with me for not correcting my child to their satisfaction when he blunders publicly. “Back when I was a kid, my dad wouldn’t let me get away with that!” they say. I would like to reply, “Yeah, and I bet he made you look like a fool in front of everybody, and that’s why you and him don’t talk today.” Of course I don’t say this.
In public, a sinning child should be stopped, but not humiliated. I might feel like screaming, “Don’t you realize what you’ve done? You’re going to ruin my reputation! Why did you push your brother down on the gravel? Everyone will talk about me now—they’ll use First Timothy 3:4 to say I can’t be a minister anymore! You’ll walk the plank for this, kid!” Instead, Dad, you and I must realize that our children are more important than the mistakes they create. We spare their public image by leveling punishment behind closed doors, not in front of gawkers.
Okay, sure it’s disturbing to find out that your kids went out and put roofing nails under the tires of your in-law’s car. But please spare everyone the theatrics of your ranting and threatening. This only shatters the message on the rocks, and your child sees through your attempts to salvage your public image. In such a case, don’t ground junior to his room for the next thirty years—he will learn more by helping you jack up the car, take off the tires, and ride downtown to watch you pay for new tires or patch the old ones (at the in-laws discretion, of course). Let him pump the jack, let him help crank the lug nuts, let him feel the full weight of his crime by restoring what was lost.
After the in-laws leave, you sit down and calmly talk about how junior is going to make some money to reimburse you for his crime. In a couple days, sit down and communicate to him the importance of respect for other people’s property.
Don’t six-gun your child with “God is mad at you” kind of talk. Don’t brandish the Sword of the Word at him until he’s afraid to read it. Deal punishment as soon, and as discretely, as possible, but save the message for the right time and place.
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Dad, read this story with your kids:
Taking Care of Stuff
Rusty got up to see a whole yard full of new snow. At breakfast, Dad said, “I’ve got to go to the store and get a new shovel. Does anyone want to go with me?’
“I do!” Rusty said.
At the store, Rusty saw a pair of new basketball shoes. “Dad, look at these shoes!” he said. Dad looked and nodded. Rusty continued, “They are shiny white and so soft inside.”
“Hmmm, it looks like they are,” Dad replied.
“Can I get them?” Rusty asked.
“Don’t you already have shoes?” Dad responded. They both looked down at Rusty’s feet.
“Yeah, but I’ve had these for a while.”
“Rusty, we don’t need to buy every new thing they put on the shelf here. We need to take care of what we have.”
“Okay. I guess you’re right.”
They walked a couple more aisles until they found the snow shovels. Dad picked out a nice big yellow one and brought it up to the checkout counter.
“Why do you need a new shovel, Dad? I thought we already had one.”
“We do, Son, but that one broke this morning when I tried to clear snow off the walkway. I have had that shovel for several years and it finally wore out.”
Dad paid for the shovel and headed back home. On the way, Rusty asked, “Could we go sledding today?”
“I tell you what… if you help me shovel, we can go.”
“All right!” Rusty cheered.
At home, Rusty took the new shovel and scraped the walkway as clean as he could. His dad got a broom and swept the rest of the snow away from the concrete and the front steps. Rusty got to use the broom while Dad shoveled the snow off the driveway.
When they were through, Rusty told Misty to get ready to go sledding. They met Dad out in the garage where he was looking for the sleds. He had pulled them down from the loft up above. Rusty took one and banged the dust off of it. He ran his fingers over the scrapes and scratches on the bottom side.
“Can we get new sleds?” Misty asked.
“What’s wrong with these?” Dad responded. “They will still slide won’t they?”
“Yeah, but they aren’t very pretty,” she said.
“Well, Misty,” he said with a smile, “we’re not hanging them in the living room. We sled for the fun of it, not to show off the sleds.”
“Okay,” she shrugged.
They put the sleds in the back of their minivan and climbed in. Dad drove them to the big hill at the city park where they could sled a long, long way. Rusty was the first one down the hill, followed by Dad who raced Misty down the hill.
They climbed back up and raced again. They went down on their bellies. They slid down sideways. They slid backwards. They slid two at a time. Rusty even tried sledding while standing up. That didn’t work.
The three of them had taken a break to relax and make snow angels when they heard “the boys” show up. The Peterson boys could always be heard long before they were seen.
“Look out world!” one boy shouted as he slid down the hill. “Human cannonball coming down,”
“You’re not either human!” another boy yelled. “Hey, I’m a rocket, look out!” he yelled, as he came ripping down the hill.
Rusty and Misty hurried to get out of the boy’s way.
“Watch me!” the third boy yelled. His round sled started spinning. He fell off, halfway down the hill, but his sled rolled all the way to the bottom.
Misty looked up at Rusty as they walked back up the hill, “They got new sleds,” she whispered.
“I know,” Rusty responded.
Their dad joined them and suggested that they sled on the other side of the hill, away from those Peterson boys. The boys kept making a lot of noise as they played. Rusty and Misty couldn’t help but notice their shiny new sleds—one had a robot on it, another had a guy wearing a spider mask, and another had a green dragon.
One time, while walking back up the hill, they saw one boy slide down and run into a tree. Fortunately the tree was only as thick as his arm.
“Is he hurt?” Rusty asked.
“I don’t think so,” Dad said, “but it looks like his sled is.”
The other two Peterson boys laughed really loud at their brother, “He broke his sled! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“I want to try that!” one of the brothers shouted. He ran back up the hill and slid down, heading toward the tree. He hit it and broke off the sled’s handle. “Whoa! Look what I did!”
The third boy had climbed to the hilltop. “Watch me, guys!” He pushed his sled off the back of the hill into a gravel spot. His sled halted. He got off and picked it up. “Hey, dudes, look at my sled. It’s got scars now!”
The other two hooted and laughed.
“Dudes, let’s play Frisbee!” the boy with the round sled yelled to his brother at the bottom of the hill. “Catch this!” He threw his sled. It spun through the air and smashed into a tree.
The three boys doubled over in hysterics. “Throw it back! Throw it back!”
Rusty turned away from watching them and walked over to where his Dad stood. “Well, I think I’m ready to go, Dad.”
“Me, too,” Misty said.
“Yeah, we’ve had a good time,” Dad said as they picked up their sleds and walked toward the van.
They put the sleds in the back of the minivan and buckled up. Dad drove them out of the little parking lot and turned into the busy street. Suddenly, he slammed on the brakes as a sled shot out into the road. The car next to them didn’t see it coming and ran it over, crunching it to pieces. Rusty looked up and saw the three boys on the hill, jumping, hollering, and laughing.
“They just pushed their sled into the road!” Rusty said, as the van started moving again. “Those boys don’t take care of their stuff.”
“Well, just make sure you don’t copy the things they do,” Dad instructed.
“Wow,” Misty said, “I feel bad for their mom and dad—they had to pay for those sleds and those boys are just breaking them all up.”
Dad sighed as he glanced back at the boys in the rear-view mirror. “The Bible talks about that kind of behavior.”
“It talks about mean boys that break sleds?” Misty asked.
Dad laughed. “Not exactly. But it talks about the attitude they have.” He handed Rusty a Bible. “Find Proverbs, Son.”
“Okay.”
While Rusty flipped through the pages, Misty said, “I want to take good care of our sleds… and my rollerblades… and my bike… and…”
“Okay, what chapter?” Rusty asked Dad.
“Proverbs 28, verse 24.”
Rusty flipped a few pages and read, “Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, ‘It is no transgression’, the same is the companion of a destroyer.”
“Wow! Are those boys robbing their parents?” Misty asked.
“Well,” Dad said, “they took what their parents gave them and made it worthless.”
“Yeah, and they think it’s funny!” Rusty said.
“Guys, we need to pray for the Peterson boys. What can we learn from what we saw today?” Dad inquired.
“I’m going to make sure I don’t leave my toys out where they get broken,” Rusty replied.
“And I’m going to keep my books on the shelf so they don’t get torn up or dirty,” Misty said.
“Well, even though those boys were not being nice, we learned a good lesson, didn’t we?”
“Yes, sir,” Rusty said.
As the van pulled into their driveway and into the garage, Dad asked, “So what should we do now?”
“Find out what’s for lunch?” Rusty responded.
“No,” Misty countered, “we’ve got to take care of our sleds and put them away—remember?”
“Oh yeah!” Rusty laughed.
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Why was it wrong for the boys to break their sleds?
What did Rusty’s dad say about Proverbs 28:24 and those mean boys?
What if kids take something from the kitchen to play outside with it… is that stealing?
What if kids find a can of spray paint and go paint a trash can just to see what it looks like… is that like being a destroyer?
What is the difference between Rusty wanting to buy new shoes and his dad buying a new shovel?
What if Rusty put a hole in one of his shoes so his dad would have to buy him a new one, would that be okay?
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Read the following scripture with the family:
The Son Who Wasted Everything
Then He said: “A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’
“So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.
“But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”‘ And he arose and came to his father.
“But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
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What did the son demand in this story?
How were his actions like the message of Proverbs 28:24?
Even though the father forgave the son, did the young man get back all he had wasted?
No. Forgiveness doesn’t unsow the seeds we plant.
If we waste what our parents give us or if we break something, what should we do?
Come and tell them what we’ve done wrong, just like the son came to his father.
What does this story tell us about God?
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Memory Verse:
Proverbs 28:24
Whoso robbeth his father or his mother,
and saith, It is no transgression;
the same is the
companion of a destroyer.
Here’s some activities for the youngin’s and a memory verse cut out.
Go to http://danieljkoren.com/102extras.pdf and print the page in layout view, in color.