For DAD Only:
What’s the Good Word?
“You idiot! Can’t you get anything right?”
Does that sound like a drill sergeant? A control-freak boss? How about an exasperated dad? Words can wound like war shrapnel. Not only have you and I experienced destructive words, we’ve said them.
I still remember losing my cool with that bill collector about a decade ago. He kept calling, trying to get me to pay a bill I didn’t owe. After I unloaded both barrels of my opinion on him, I looked up to see my wife’s jaw drop.
Of course, we dads never let that carnal nature arise when we speak to our children. Yeah, sure. When we drag ourselves home and walk into a house that looks like a terrorist strike, we drop the A-bomb of harsh words, leveling every living thing in sight—kids, wife, even pets.
After we get what we want, like any good warring nation, we come back through our conquered domain and help rebuild: “Honey, I’m sorry, I’ve just had a long day. Don’t cry.” Or the ultimate patch job, “Kids, you know daddy loves you, right? I shouldn’t have raised my voice, but we have to keep a clean house, okay?”
A B-52 bomber can either drop weapons of mass destruction or distribute food and supplies’ so our words can deliver hurt or healing. If I let stress get to me, I pass it on to my family, who feels the brunt of my air raid. Everyday, I must haul this old war machine into the hanger and be sure to load only peace-keeping supplies.
What’s the point of a clean home with anguishing personnel? The bike in the driveway is not an act of war. The underclothes on the bathroom floor are not radioactive landmines. The child who makes us late to church because he can’t find his shoe is not a conspirator with al Queda. Dad, we must put the issues in perspective. No need for dispatching a smart bomb just because the milk got left out after breakfast.
Many times we take the passage in Ephesians that says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth” (4:29) to just mean we shouldn’t cuss. However, this text refers to speech that makes others feel yucky. We shouldn’t verbally smear our bad day at the office on our unsuspecting families. Instead, that passage says our mouths should produce “what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
I have to work at imparting grace to the hearers in my home. Somehow, dads, we tend to expect our families to be strong enough to hear us vent without taking it personal. We find it natural to yell, “If you don’t shut up in that backseat, I’m going to pull this car over!” and then answer the cell phone, “Hello, Bro. Jones! Wonderful day, isn’t it?”
Dad, you set the example for your home. Lead your children by encouragement and clear direction, not by insult and threat. Each day, find some uplifting thing you can say to each person living in your home. Compliment your child for her drawing from school. Make a big deal to your son when you find his bathroom free of clutter.
Words destroy or restore. What mission will your mouth accomplish today?
Lord, help me to stay on target and speak uplifting words today.
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If you have loved ones, you need to learn how to communicate with them and be understood. Get the book by Smalley and Trent called the Language of Love and start speaking powerfully in a way others will see, hear, and feel.
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Dad, read this story to your kids:
Word Gifts
The snow had begun to melt in Rusty and Misty’s backyard and they couldn’t sled on it anymore, or even make snowballs.
“Mom, can we go over to the parking lot next door?” Rusty asked his mom. The apartment building next to their house always plowed the snow into big piles. “They still have some snow and Misty and I want to make a snowman before it is all gone.”
Rusty’s mom looked out the window toward the lot next door. “Well, all right. But be sure you dress warm.”
Rusty put on his soft, blue hat and zipped up his black jacket while Misty pulled pink earmuffs onto her head and slipped on her silver coat. After tying their boots, the two of them ran across the yard, through a squishy mud puddle, and up onto the snow pile.
“Yee-hoo! I’m the king of the mountain!” Rusty yelled.
“Wee-hee! I’m the queen of the mountain!” Misty said, as she struggled to keep her balance.
They both slipped down the side of the soft snow bank to build their snowman. Soon, Rusty set to work scooping together an armful of snow until he had a big ball. Misty helped him pack more on until it was so big the two of them could barely get their arms around it.
As Rusty finished the base, Misty started scooping together more snow to make the big snowball for their snowman’s belly. Rusty came over and helped her roll it around until it was big and firm.
Just as they were lifting the second ball of snow up and putting it on the first one, three boys ran up on top of the snow mound. It was the Peterson boys.
“Hey, guys,” Rusty said, rubbing his mitten against his nose. “Did you have a good Christmas?”
“Christmas, mish-mas,” the older boy said. “I get what I want all year long.”
“Yeah,” said the boy with glasses, “he just takes what he wants.”
“Hey, who asked you to talk?” said the first one. “Dummies like you have to ask permission to speak, got it?”
Misty didn’t know what to say, but she wanted those boys to leave. She just kept packing more snow onto the snowman.
Rusty looked at the boy with glasses and then back at the older Peterson boy. “You shouldn’t say things like that, Dustin.”
“Oh, sorry. I think I upset church-boy, here.” Dustin looked at his two brothers, “C’mon, let’s get out of here before I get in the mood to smash that snowman.” The boys laughed to each other as they jumped off the snow pile and hurried away.
“Those boys are so mean,” Misty said, once they had left.
“Don’t worry about them, Misty,” Rusty said.
Just then, Dustin came running back up on the snow pile. “Hey, Rusty!” he yelled. As Rusty looked up, the boy said, “I’ve got a present for ya’!” Dustin threw a mud ball that splattered all over the front of Rusty’s jacket.
“Ouch!” Rusty said. He looked down at the mess.
“Oh, sorry, Rusty. I shouldn’t do things like that,” the boy said as he and his brothers hurried down the alley behind Rusty’s house, laughing as they went.
“Oh, Rusty!” Misty gasped, looking at his coat.
“Those guys make me so mad.” Rusty stomped off toward the house with Misty running alongside him.
Inside, Rusty’s mom helped him get his coat clean right away. “I’m going to have to talk to their mother again,” she said. “Those boys need to stop causing trouble.”
By the time Rusty had finished washing his face and changing his shirt, his dad had come home.
After supper, Rusty’s dad had a suggestion. “Guys, remember how we moved all the furniture around for the Christmas party last week?”
“Yes,” Misty said, “That was a so much fun. I think we should have Christmas every month.”
Dad smiled. “Well, now we need to move the furniture back where it was, so the couch isn’t blocking the fireplace like it is right now.”
Rusty walked over to the light brown couch and said, “Okay, Dad, you take one end, and we’ll push the other. We’ll have everything back in no time.”
The three of them grunted and pushed all the chairs, couches, and little tables back into place. Mom walked in the room just as they were finishing.
“This looks great guys,” she said. “Thanks!”
Rusty walked over to the corner of the room and picked up a wrapped gift. “Hey, look what I found!”
Mom came over to look, as she said, “Oops. It looks like a gift got hidden back behind the couch.” Rusty handed it to her. “Let’s see who it’s from,” she said. “Hmm… it says it’s from the Johnson’s to our family.”
“It must have gotten misplaced during the church party,” Misty said.
“Can we open it?” Rusty asked.
“Sure,” their dad said. “Let’s see what it is.”
Mom took the silver bow off the gift and ripped open the paper. She opened the white box and looked inside.
“It’s a snow globe!” Rusty announced.
The four gathered around to see the present. Inside the glass ball, they saw a little stable with shepherds, animals, Joseph and Mary, and the baby Jesus in a hay bed.
“Shake it up! Make it snow!” Misty said. Mom shook it and sent the little white flakes swirling in the liquid inside. “Oh, that’s so pretty!” Misty squealed. “Can I do it?”
“Okay, but be careful,” her mother said with a grin.
Misty took it and shook it a little but didn’t get much snow to swirl.
“I want to try,” Rusty said.
Misty shook it harder this time. Suddenly, it slipped out of her hands and bounced on the carpet.
Rusty jumped to grab the snow globe. “You dummy, you could break it!”
“Rusty!” his father scolded.
“Dad, she almost broke it.”
Dad took the snow globe and set it on the coffee table. “Listen guys, we don’t call names in this family. Name calling is mean and hurtful. Let’s sit down and talk about this for a minute.”
As Rusty and Misty sat down, their dad picked up the big family Bible. “There’s a verse here in Proverbs that we should read.” He turned a few pages and passed the big Book to Rusty. “Here, Son, read this verse.”
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof,” Rusty read.
“What does that mean?” Misty asked.
“Our tongues can produce good words—words of life. Or our tongues can put out bad things—words of death,” dad said.
“The Peterson boys use bad words all the time,” Misty said. “They say mean things and call each other names.”
“Yeah,” Rusty added, “and they threw a mud ball at me!”
Dad put his hand on his son’s shoulder and said, “Rusty, mean words are just like that mud ball. They hurt. They make you mad. And they leave a big mess.”
“Wow, I never thought of it that way,” Rusty said. “Sorry, Misty,” he said.
“I forgive you, Rusty.”
Dad picked up the snow globe and shook it until the snow swirled around the manger scene. “But good words are like this present we found behind the couch. Our tongues should say things that are happy surprises, not mean surprises. Our words should make people smile, not frown.”
“So, we should give word gifts. Right, Dad?”
“Yes, honey.”
“I will try to do that,” Rusty said.
“Great. So, try to give as many ‘word gifts’ to each other as you can today.”
Rusty looked at Misty and asked, “Hey, do you want to go finish that snowman?”
“Sure! Can we, Dad?” Misty asked.
“Yes,” dad said, “let me get my coat and I’ll help you.”
“All right!” they both yelled.
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Use the following questions to get your kids talking:
How do you feel when someone calls you names?
Why do you think kids call each other names?
How should we respond when people say mean things to us?
How did Jesus act when people said mean things to Him?
Have one of the children read I Peter 2:23. “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” (NIV)
Rusty washed his coat and his face after he got hit by the mud ball. How is this like the way we should respond to people’s mean words?
Explain to your children that they must “wash” themselves of the dirty things people say. Children need to understand that classmates’ teasing and nicknames must be ignored.
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Read the following scripture with the family:
Fire, Poison, and Blessing
My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things.
If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.
See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.
For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring can yield both salt water and fresh.
(James 3:1-12, New King James Version, © 1983, used with permission.)
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Discussion for older family members:
Do you remember a time someone hurt you with their words?
Can our words trip other people up and cause them to not follow God?
What are some things this passage says the tongue is like?
Horse bridle, ship rudder, hell fire, poison, a spring.
What do these images tell us about the tongue and our words?
Does God care about what we say? What does Jesus say about this in Matthew 12:36-37?
Read the memory verse in Proverbs 18:21. How can we give life to people with our words?
Put it in action: Have each person share something good about everyone else in the family.
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Memory verse:
Proverbs 18:21
“Death and life
are in the power of the tongue:
and they that love it
shall eat the fruit thereof.”