Anger Hurts Children

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Anger (1 of 3)

For dad only:

How to Be the Best Parent

Being a good parent is less about learning techniques and more about becoming a good person. You become the best parent by becoming a good Christian, a good citizen, and a good example.

Dad, you cannot keep on struggling with lust and anger problems your whole life and think you are going to raise boys who escape the same traps.

Raise anger-free kids

Your children will not have anger issues if you do not. However, if you and I enjoy our daily “angry hour,” we are discipling our young men and women to do the same. Scream at your wife and your kids will do the same. Yell at your kids, and they will fight with each other.

Angry outbursts rip children away from your heart, even if you apologize later. The very sinew of their self-worth and natural love for you disintegrate. Resolve your issues in prayer and Scripture; do not dump them on the family.

Anger = temporary insanity

Of course, most guys never get angry. “I just got frustrated,” they say. However, the terms “frustrated,” “stressed,” “peeved,” “aggravated,” and “upset” all mean anger. What you call anger is rage. You do not have to swing a club to vent rage. You cross the line from anger to rage when you slam a door, kick the cat, or raise your voice.

Rage unleashes your heated emotions. When you rage against your family, young hearts download these emotions they cannot handle. One day, all that lava will spew forth on you, a loved one, and the world at large. Why scare them? Why scar them? Why loom larger than life?

You are bigger than your temper tantrums. Stop them. As a recovering angry-by-default person, I know you can get the victory over this. Stop caring more about the electric bill than your kids’ emotions. Stop thinking about your needs and see yourself through their eyes. It might not be pretty.

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Want to communicate important messages to your children without having to raise your voice? Read the book The Language of Love and learn how to say things in a way they see it. Rather than entertaining them with your emotional antics, speak in a way that stirs them emotionally and creates lasting change.

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Read this to the kids:

Rage Ruins Relationships

Last time, Carter had accidentally whacked his little brother across the face with Rusty’s new baseball bat.

 

Carter’s dad picked up Skylar who was still whining and crying. “I’ll take him to the car,” he said to his wife, who was hovering over the hurt boy.

Carter said, “I’ll open the car door for you, Dad.”

“Sure,” she said, “now you try to do something nice! You hurt him!”

Carter did not answer, but followed his dad to the car.

“What kind of jerk are you?” she demanded, following right behind him. “I ought to take that bat to your head! Why do you have to be such an idiot to your brother?”

“It was an accident,” Carter muttered.

“An accident? An accident! Like the time you poked him with the needle?” his mom yelled.

Rusty stuck his hands in his pocket and looked up at Dad. Dad was frowning and glanced at Mom. Mom put her hand on Rusty’s shoulder and guided him into the house. He still couldn’t help hearing Carter’s mom scream.

“You are grounded. You hear me? No games and no friends. It’s time you stopped being so stupid!” She got in the driver’s seat of the car, while Carter and his dad got in. The car took off from the curb.

A few moments later, Dad came inside and did not say much. Mom was standing in the doorway, looking at the meal she had just made in the kitchen.

“Is Carter going to be okay?” Rusty asked.

Dad shook his head. “No. He will probably hide it pretty well, but that kind of stuff gets down into a person’s spirit. He will be dealing with those words his entire life.”

“I’ve never heard anyone talk like that,” Rusty said, staring at his new baseball bat.

“Too bad you did,” Dad said. “No human being should act like that. She is next to a criminal in my mind to be screaming at her child like that.”

“It was just an accident,” Misty said. “Good grief.”

“I know,” Dad said. “But even if Carter had done that on purpose, no one should have the right to scream and insult another human being like that.”

“I feel sick to my stomach,” Rusty said. “I feel bad for Carter—I wonder how he is doing right now.”

“I am glad you are feeling compassion for your friend,” Mom said.

“Can we pray for Carter?” Rusty asked. “I want him to live for Jesus. I want to see his mom find what he and his dad have found.”

Dad said, “Yes, let’s pray.”

The family gathered around and began praying for Carter and his family. Rusty cried for his friend and asked God to help him forgive. Dad prayed that Carter would not be scarred by his mom’s words and would still love her. Mom prayed that the Lord would get a hold of Carter’s mom’s heart and bring her to Him. Misty prayed for Skylar, that he would not have a concussion from being hit.

Afterward, Rusty thought out loud, “I wish she could have been at the campground and seen what God was doing in Carter’s life.”

Dad’s phone rang. “There’s Carter’s dad now,” he said. “Hello?… I know how you feel…” Dad walked onto the back porch to talk privately to Carter’s dad and encourage him.

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Now discuss it!

How do you think Carter felt?

 

Have you ever made someone feel like that?

 

How did God feel about what his mom did?

 

How does Proverbs 19:11 apply to Carter’s mom?

 

When you have children, will you treat them like this?

 

How can you help kids who live in angry homes like this?

 

What can an adult do to change from being so mean?

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Read God’s Word together:

The Image of Anger

King Nebuchadnezzar built a gold statue, ninety feet high and nine feet thick. He set it up on the Dura plain in the province of Babylon. He then ordered all the important leaders in the province, everybody who was anybody, to the dedication ceremony of the statue. They all came for the dedication, all the important people, and took their places before the statue that Nebuchadnezzar had erected.

A herald then proclaimed in a loud voice: “Attention, everyone! Every race, color, and creed, listen! When you hear the band strike up—all the trumpets and trombones, the tubas and baritones, the drums and cymbals—fall to your knees and worship the gold statue that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up. Anyone who does not kneel and worship shall be thrown immediately into a roaring furnace.”

The band started to play, a huge band equipped with all the musical instruments of Babylon, and everyone—every race, color, and creed—fell to their knees and worshiped the gold statue that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.

Just then, some Babylonian fortunetellers stepped up and accused the Jews. They said to King Nebuchadnezzar, “Long live the king! You gave strict orders, O king, that when the big band started playing, everyone had to fall to their knees and worship the gold statue, and whoever did not go to their knees and worship it had to be pitched into a roaring furnace. Well, there are some Jews here—Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego—whom you have placed in high positions in the province of Babylon. These men are ignoring you, O king. They don’t respect your gods and they won’t worship the gold statue you set up.”

Furious, King Nebuchadnezzar ordered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to be brought in. When the men were brought in, Nebuchadnezzar asked, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you don’t respect my gods and refuse to worship the gold statue that I have set up? I’m giving you a second chance—but from now on, when the big band strikes up you must go to your knees and worship the statue I have made. If you don’t worship it, you will be pitched into a roaring furnace, no questions asked. Who is the god who can rescue you from my power?”

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered King Nebuchadnezzar, “Your threat means nothing to us. If you throw us in the fire, the God we serve can rescue us from your roaring furnace and anything else you might cook up, O king. But even if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference, O king. We still wouldn’t serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up.”

Nebuchadnezzar, his face purple with anger, cut off Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace fired up seven times hotter than usual. He ordered some strong men from the army to tie them up, hands and feet, and throw them into the roaring furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, bound hand and foot, fully dressed from head to toe, were pitched into the roaring fire. Because the king was in such a hurry and the furnace was so hot, flames from the furnace killed the men who carried Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to it, while the fire raged around Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in alarm and said, “Didn’t we throw three men, bound hand and foot, into the fire?”

“That’s right, O king,” they said.

“But look!” he said. “I see four men, walking around freely in the fire, completely unharmed! And the fourth man looks like a son of the gods!”

Nebuchadnezzar went to the door of the roaring furnace and called in, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the High God, come out here!” Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego walked out of the fire.

All the important people, the government leaders and king’s counselors, gathered around to examine them and discovered that the fire hadn’t so much as touched the three men—not a hair singed, not a scorch mark on their clothes, not even the smell of fire on them!

Nebuchadnezzar said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego! He sent his angel and rescued his servants who trusted in him! They ignored the king’s orders and laid their bodies on the line rather than serve or worship any god but their own.

“Therefore I issue this decree: Anyone anywhere, of any race, color, or creed, who says anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego will be ripped to pieces, limb from limb, and their houses torn down. There has never been a god who can pull off a rescue like this.”

Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the province of Babylon.

(Daniel 3:1-30, MSG)

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Let’s talk about it!

How do you know the king was angry?

 

What did the king want to do to them?

 

Have you ever been so mad at someone that you wanted to hurt them?

 

How is anger like a fire that burns you and others?

 

How did these three guys conquer the king’s anger? Did they fear him? Did they run? Did they fight?

 

Why is it important to keep calm and do what is right even when people get angry and act childish?

 

How did God use this awful situation for His glory?

 

Role play: What if someone yelled at you and insulted you in front of others? How would you react? What would you say? What if they threatened to hurt you?

 

What if someone treated a younger child like this and you were there? What would you do? What would you say?

 

If you deal with a raging person, how does Proverbs 15:1 help you? When have you experienced this principle?

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Memorize it!

 

Proverbs 19:11

The discretion of a man

deferreth his anger;

and it is his glory to

pass over a transgression.

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